Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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