She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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