so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
