do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She told me I should be a condom model.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
