Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
