Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
