when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
