Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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