I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
