we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
