I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
