After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
