I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
