I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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