Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
