A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
