Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
