Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
