True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
