Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
