just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
