You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we're making bets on your personal life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize