girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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