i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dicks are not precious.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
