cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
