After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
