Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
