this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
