This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
