he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
