so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
