I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
