People in love make me want to vomit
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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