There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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