No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
