She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
