Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
