I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
