I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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