It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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