she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
