Acid is not a monday night drug
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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