Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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