Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You left your phone here
Wait...
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