I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize