I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
