Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
this is an emotional support booty call
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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