I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
