The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
