so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
