I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
