Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
