Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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