I molested 6 butterflies tonight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
