can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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