"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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