The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
