There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Couch. On fire.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
