I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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