i barfeds in our rink
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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