i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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