dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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