I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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