don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize