That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
