she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
