No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
