Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
