I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
