Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
