So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
