I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
