I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize