My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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