its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
