his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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