I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What a dumb baby whore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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