And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
