i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize