The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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