Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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