So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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