Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize