I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
