i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize