I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
