how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
