ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
