I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
