Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
