Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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