tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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