Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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