I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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