i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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