Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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