So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize