i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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