I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
