i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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