I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
