oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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