I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just forgot I was standing up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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