I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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