Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
